when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
