i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people