i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize