Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
