the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
