found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
