A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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