The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
