I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
