I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
