I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You left your phone here
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