I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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