if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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