i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
