the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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