Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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