Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want her autograph on my taint
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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