i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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