Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I party with great urgency now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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