I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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