i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
