HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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