Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize