OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
