we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
