9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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