i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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