I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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