I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
