By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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