No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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