I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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