My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
