im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
