i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
