***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
