Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
