I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
