Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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