Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
