The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
