I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
