I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
