if i can run in heels then i can drive
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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