goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
