so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
