So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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