dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
