she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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