Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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