I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
