A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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