you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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