I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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