the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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