she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
