i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
