Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
