is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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