Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
