First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
